On some days, it feels like mom's gone too quickly, too soon.
On some days, it feels like mom's been gone forever.
Some days I still dream of her, as if she was still alive.
And on some days, I dream of her with the full awareness that she's gone.
It is very strange. Grief is very strange.
Dealing with it at this stage of my life feels very strange.
Being kept busy at work and moving houses at the same time (I know! It's been very unexpected. We had to look for a new place to rent soon as our landlord informed us that he was gifting our present unit to his newly-wedded son) have helped to temporarily numb the pain. But when I'm alone with my thoughts - usually right before going to sleep, driving to/from work by myself - that's when it hits me.
Strangely, this difficult period in my life has been a bit of a blessing too. Firstly, it's been a huge learning experience. Learning more about myself, prioritizing what's important, making changes and working harder on keeping familial relations, having more empathy for people.. yip, it's been a very interesting experience. I have had some friends reaching out to me too - this I have much to be thankful for. Particularly friends who have gone through the same thing - losing a parent or a very very close family member (grandparent). Without them (you know who you are) - I think I'd be even more lost - right from going through the entire funeral, managing my responses/feelings/thoughts post-funeral, sorting out and rearranging mom's stuff, to helping dad transition to widowhood as seamlessly as possible... well - as you can see - the list goes on.
Love you mom. We think of you everyday and missing you hurts like hell.
Just having friends around that I can reach out to online and offline has been comforting. And for this - I have much to be thankful for *.Very thankful for friends who came from near and afar. Thank you to each and every one of you, and my apologies for not having pics of all of you who were there for me.
* And of course, thankful to my extended family members and relatives - this goes without saying...